Back to Apprenticeship Parenting Home

Consider the following parenting scenarios and select the response that reflects your “on-most-days” experience of parenting, as opposed to your “on-my-best-day” experience of parenting. Make sure to select only one answer per question.

---

1. At the preschool play, your son forgets his lines and ends up twirling in a circle instead of singing. You:

Grin like crazy. Your kid is one-of-a-kind!
Think “It could be worse.”
Laugh, half in embarrassment and half in amusement.
Can’t wait to hug him and tell him what a great job he did, but think to yourself “we’ve got some work to do before the next play.”
Think “This is painful to watch” and hope that it will be over soon.

 

2. Your child is has been working on an English paper for a long time and lets out a big sigh. You:

Let him work it out on his own—it is his responsibility to learn the material.
Answer any minor questions he has but otherwise redirect him to resources that might give him ideas about how to proceed.
Sit with him for a minute to assess what appears to be getting in the way of his moving forward, and then share a few pointers with him after sensing that he needs a bit more direction.
After seeing how hard it is for him, you start to help him and soon find yourself generating ideas and creating outlines for him to use.
You become immersed in the task, including generating ideas, structuring the content, and editing the final paper.

 

3. Your 5-year-old child is invited over to a friend’s house whose parents and living situation you do not know anything about. You:

Say yes, he can go. Your child wouldn’t make friends with someone from an unsafe living environment.
Talk to the parents and arrange a play date at their house so that everybody can get to know one another and you can make sure there aren’t any safety concerns, such as an unguarded pool.
Say maybe, but not until you’ve had a chance to meet the friend’s parents.
Say yes, but speak with the parent of your child’s friend just to get a feel for the situation.
Say yes if no red flags come up after asking your child some questions about the friend and his family. Tell your child to call if there are any problems.

 

4. Your child comes home with his report card. For the first time, his grades were not what either of you expected. You:

Ground him until he gets his grades back up.
Ask him what he think happened and what he plans to do about it. Let him know you’ll have to get more involved if he keeps struggling.
Shrug it off. He has to take responsibility for his school work.
Ask questions to help him determine what were the likely reasons for his poor performance and help him develop a specific plan to address those issues for the coming semester.
Ask his thoughts on his performance, make your own observations about why you think he didn’t do so well and offer him some suggestions for doing better next semester.

 

5. Your child comes home from school visibly upset, which is unusual for him. You:

Don’t do anything. It is obvious that he wants to be left alone. If he needs help with the situation, he’ll let you know.
Tell him a joke to cheer him up.
Let him know he seems upset and ask him what’s going on. You ask questions to get a feel for what he’s going through, console him some, and let him know what you think he should do to fix the situation.
Let him know he seems upset and ask him what’s going on. You ask questions to get a feel for what he he’s going through, console him as best you can, and offer suggestions only if he is interested in your feedback about the situation.
Let him know he seems upset and ask him what’s going on. You let him know everything is going to be ok, and suggest doing something fun to take his mind off of the situation.

 

6. Your 13-year-old has been invited to an end of the school year pool party and you have concerns that there may be alcohol.

Call the parents hosting the party to assess what level of supervision there will be and to make sure that there will not be any alcohol. If you feel good about the phone conversation, you let her go to the party but let her know that you will be taking her and picking her up.
Talk to her about your concerns, reaffirm to her that underage drinking in not okay, and ask her to call you to pick her up if there is alcohol at the party.
Don’t say anything. She is going to have to make her own decisions.
No way is your 13-year-old going to a party that isn’t being supervised by somebody you know and trust personally.
You really don’t want her to go, but all of her friends will be there so you let her go, with a reminder that “There better not be any drinking going on.”

 

7. You are in the middle of reading an article on the internet when your daughter comes in and wants to perform a song for you. You:

Ask her to come back later.
Tell her “Awesome, honey” but ask her to give you just a moment to finish your article.
Spin around in your chair and tell her you can’t wait to hear it.
Tell her to sing it to you while you continue your internet reading.
Tell her to go perform for her brother.

 

8. At the playground, all the other kids can go across the monkey bars, and your child cannot. You:

Tell her that if she wants to learn she should watch what the other kids are doing and copy them.
Watch her trying for a while and then show her how she might change what she is doing and get across successfully.
Tell her she’ll be ok and that one day she’ll learn it.
Walk with her over to the monkey bars and help her for a few minutes, showing her what she could try and finding ways to make it easier for her to get across.
Spend as much time as necessary coaching her to be able to get across the monkey bars.

 

9. You child strongly protests that he doesn’t want a particular baby-sitter to come over, even though he doesn’t usually have problems with his baby-sitters. You:

Ask him why he is having a hard time with this particular baby-sitter. If he can’t give a reasonable explanation for why he doesn’t want the babysitter, go ahead with your plans. You can follow-up again afterwards to see if your child continues to be stressed about it.
Immediately assume that he has had a bad experience with this sitter, and start calling friends to see if they have had this problem with the sitter as well. If nobody else has had a problem, go ahead and talk with the sitter about it and monitor how the next couple of sessions go.
Do nothing. Baby-sitters are hard to come by, and you can’t afford to lose this one.
After talking to your son about the situation, talk to the baby-sitter as well. Ask her if she has noticed anything different about your child when she is over. Invite her to come hang out with you and your son together, so you can watch how they interact.
Tell your child that you have to use this baby-sitter, but that he can call you while you are gone if he has any trouble.

 

10. Your 14-year-old has started talking about owning his own car when he turns 16. You’re not made of money. You:

Sit down with him and discuss what it costs to buy and maintain a car. If he is still interested, you help him to develop a plan for saving the money he will need and explain to him what he can expect if he doesn’t meet his goals.
Sit down with him and discuss what it costs to buy and maintain a car. Ask him how he plans to pay for it and point out any obvious holes in his financial plans or make suggestions that might more realistically help him reach his goal.
Start thinking about a way to hand down your oldest car, even though you were hoping to put off a new car payment for a few more years. You let him know he better expect to pay for gas and insurance, though.
You’ll deal with it when he gets older.
Let him know approximately what that is going to cost him and tell him he better get a job and start saving.

 

11. Your child’s beloved grandparents have come for a visit, but it is time for them to leave. You tell her that they are leaving, then:

As she starts to get upset, quickly begin talking about fun things she can do after they leave, until she gets distracted and stops crying.
Let her cry, and tell her you know it makes her sad. But you also tell her she doesn’t need to get too upset because she can talk with them on the phone later.
When she starts to cry, you let her know you know how hard it is to say goodbye because she loves her grandparents so much. You tell her you’re sad too and hold her. After awhile, you ask her what might help her to feel better and suggest taking a picture with your cell-phone that she could look at after they leave.
When she begins to protest and become upset, you tell her to show her grandparents what a big girl she is by not crying and suggest that if she cries too much, they may not want to come back.
Let her cry for a little bit, and tell her you know it makes her sad, but that she should remember the good times that they had and that she will get to see them again in a couple of weeks. If that doesn’t work, distract her with a new activity.

 

12. Three kids in the neighborhood are having a sleepover and plan on watching an R-rated movie. Your 11-year-old is invited and begs to join them. You:

Let her go but tell her you don’t want her watching the movie.
Look up what information you can about the movie on the internet and make a call to the parents hosting the sleepover. You decide to let her go after finding out that the parents have seen the movie (which appears to be rated R mainly for one scene involving brief nudity) and plan to fast forward through any adult-themed scenes.
Let her go. You are so glad that she is part of the group.
Talk to the parents to share your concerns and to negotiate another, age appropriate, movie. Let her go if the parents agree. Keep her home if not.
Let her go but tell her to close her eyes during parts of the movie she knows she shouldn’t be watching.

 

13. Your son brings you a drawing he did of a t-rex. You:

Thank him with a smile and glance at it without too much thought—it’s the 3rd drawing of a t-rex you’ve gotten today.
Immediately point out that he added one too many claws to the hands. A t-rex only has two claws.
Sit down with him to look at it and have him tell you all about what he has drawn.
Tell him it’s awesome and that you really like the teeth, this time.
Ask him to put it on the table so you can look at it later.

 

14. At a preschool function you and your child are told to sit down and make a paper snowman together. You:

Let your child take the lead, but with frequent feedback and occasional help to make sure the project looks fairly presentable.
Take the lead yourself to make sure it looks like a snowman, but let your child do some things that you think she can do well.
Let your child take the lead, engaging her in the process with ideas, and helping her with tasks that frustrate her.
Immediately take over, letting your child put a few dots of glue on places that you specifically point out.
Mainly let your child do it, but make sure that the basics of the snowman—eyes, nose and buttons—are properly placed.

 

15. You child shows up after a visit to a friend’s house with several cuts and bruises. You:

Ignore it. Boys hurt themselves all the time.
Ask him about it and, when he shrugs it off, make a joke about it.
Ask him about it and he shrugs it off. You insist that he isn’t going anywhere until he tells you what happened, at which point he tells you that he and his friend got into a fight over something but that it’s all over now. You then call the other parent to talk and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Ask him about it and he shrugs it off. You then tell him that he won’t be allowed to visit with the child until you know what happened, and that he won’t get in trouble as long as he tells you the truth. Then wait until he is ready to talk.
Ask him about and he tells you that he and his friend got into a fight over something but that it’s all over now. You give him advice about how to handle the situation in the future so that nobody gets hurt.

 

16. Your 9-year-old comes in and announces, matter-of-factly, that his best friend is no longer his friend at all because they got in a fight at school. This is the first time your child has had a committed peer relationship that has run into serious difficulty. You:

Ask him what the argument was about and then offer suggestions that might help them repair their relationship without necessarily getting into what you expect to happen if he does or doesn’t follow-up on them.
Tell them it sounds like he needs to work it out with his friend because that’s what friends do.
Ask him what the argument was about and help him recognize variables about the situation he might not have considered, offer suggestions that might help them repair their relationship, and predict what is likely to happen in the future based on the choices available to him.
Ask him what the argument was about and then tell him what you would do if you were him.
Tell him your sorry to hear that then go back to making dinner; they’ll probably be best friends again by the end of the week.

 

17. Your daughter has practiced for months, but still doesn’t make the gymnastics team. You:

Remind her that soccer season is starting soon and offer to take her shopping.
Ask her how she is doing and let her know how disappointed you are for her; then give her a big hug and ask her what she thinks would help her to feel better about the situation.
Let her know you are sorry and try to cheer her up by telling her positive things about herself; and besides, she’ll have more time to play with her friends.
Ask her how she’s doing and let her know how disappointed you are for her; then give her a big hug and let her know that she’ll grow from the experience.
Tell her she can’t expect to make everything and if she really wants it she’ll just have to work harder next year.

 

18. Your 9-year-old daughter begs to wear a revealing outfit similar to the one you saw her best friend wearing the other day. You:

Tell her that the outfit is nice, but makes her look a little heavy. It’s the only way you know to get her to change her mind about an outfit.
Let her. It’s what all the other kids are wearing and you don’t want others to make fun of her.
Tell her no, explaining that the outfit is inappropriate for someone her age and make her change into something that is appropriate for her age.
Don’t let her wear it, but, to avoid a major argument, let her pick out an outfit that is also a little too revealing for your comfort level, but a whole lot better than her first choice.
Don’t want to let her wear it, but her constant begging wears you down and you finally give in after getting her to agree to take a jacket with her to wear over it.

 

19. At your daughter’s softball game, she hits a homerun. You:

Missed it. You know your daughter wants you there, but you prefer to spend your time at the games talking and catching up with other parents.
You cheer with everyone else, but don’t want to make too big a deal about it. You’ll tell her later what a nice hit it was.
Cheered for her and were happy, but you’ll have to ask her what happened earlier in the game when she struck out.
Weren’t there because it was only a regular season game. You only make it to the really important games.
Jumped out of your seat and started cheering as loud as you could for her. You know how good it makes her feel to help her team win.

 

20. Your 9-year-old has an argument with her friend during a play date and asks you to take the friend home. You:

Tell her that she needs to work it out or she won’t be able to have any more friends over.
Tell her no, offer some suggestions, and redirect her to work it out on her own; if things get really ugly, then intervene more actively to resolve the situation.
Take the friend home
Encourage her to work it out, monitor the situation, and intervene to help her process the problem if the situation doesn’t resolve in a few minutes.
Ask her questions about the situation, offer insight or pointers for working through conflict, and ask her if she needs your help talking with the friend about it.

 

21. Your child has seemed distraught every morning before getting on the school bus and says that a kid named Todd bugs him. You:

Pull him off the bus and start driving him to school. He’s not getting on the bus until you are certain that Todd will not bother your son anymore.
Tell him he needs to get on the bus and just try and avoid Todd, but that if Todd bugs him he should tell the bus driver.
Tell him he needs to get on the bus and deal with it.
Ask some questions and, if you have reason to believe Todd has been threatening your child, take him off the school bus and discuss the matter with the school until you can be assured that your child won’t continue to be threatened.
Ask some questions and if you have reason to believe Todd has been threatening your child, talk with the bus driver and tell your son that if it doesn’t get better to let you know.

 

22. Your 15-year-old son is being allowed to go on his first formal date with a girl he met at summer camp. You:

Tell him to have a good time.
Let him know you are excited for him and begin a discussion with him about the girl and his plans for the evening; leading up to the date, you take the time to share with him rules for dating and etiquette that will help him make a good impression and establish a healthy beginning to their relationship and why you feel those rules are important.
Let him know you are excited for him and begin a discussion with him about the girl and his plans for the evening; leading up to the date, you take the time to share with him some rules and tips that you think are important.
Tell him to have a good time, and hand him some deodorant and breath mints before leaving the house.
Let him know you are excited for him and tell him you expect him to show good manners and not get into any trouble; the evening of his date you hand him the deodorant and breath mints, if he forgets them himself.

 

23. Your daughter gets off the phone and tells you her boyfriend wants to break up with her. You:

Tell her you’re sorry and ask her some questions to find out if there is anything you can do to help her feel better; then you tell her that one day she’ll be glad it didn’t work it.
Ask her what she did that upset him. They seemed to be getting along fine just recently.
Give her your opinion about the guy (which wasn’t that good anyway) and tell her she can do better, and besides, it wasn’t like she was going to marry him.
Tell her you’re sorry and ask her some questions to get a feel for the situation and what happened, then let her know what a loser her boyfriend is and what she should do next time to avoid getting dumped.
Give her a big hug and tell her you’re sorry and ask her some questions to get a feel for the situation and what happened; You tell her about when you got dumped for the first time in high school and how hard that was for you.

 

24. Your 5-year-old is watching a t.v. sitcom in which a child character tells his mother she’s stupid. Later on, your child calls you stupid. You:

Say “Excuse me?!” and immediately give him a stern lecture letting him know he may never call you stupid again.
Tell him “That wasn’t very nice” but otherwise let it slide.
Ignore it.
Tell him to rephrase his statement and let him know that if he says that to you again he’s going to have a consequence.
Tell him “That wasn’t very nice” and insist that he say sorry.