Effective parenting should incorporate both discipline and punishment.  Though closely related, the two terms are not synonymous.  Parents most often rely on punishment, or the threat of punishment, to shape their child’s behavior.  Time-outs, removal of privileges, spanking and grounding are all forms of punishment.   Punishment has an important, but supporting, role to play in parenting and is discussed on a separate Parenting Resource page. Discipline has much broader aims, which are complemented, rather than achieved, by the use of punishment.  The term discipline as it is understood traditionally (from the Greek “paideuo”) means to instruct, train, or educate.  It carries with it the connotation of drawing alongside of with compassion, encouragement and exhortation.  In other words, it is apprenticeship at work.  The Rest Stop method of discipline is a practical application of this concept.

A Rest Stop is similar in form to a traditional time-out, but implemented from a radically different perspective. Time-outs as they are typically implemented serve primarily as a form of punishment--time served for a crime committed. In contrast, a Rest Stop is a relational tool that begins with a true time-out to regain composure and perspective, moves to processing the issue, and then ends with repair. Children of all ages need rest stops—times when their parents are willing to pull off of the metaphorical highway that they are rushing down and help their children establish proper perspective and emotional self-control. There are 4 components to a Rest Stop: naming your child's behavior, identifying the underlying emotion driving the behavior, establishing alternatives for expressing your child's emotion, and restoring your child in his relationship with you. These components are captured by the acronym N.E.A.R. for Naming, Emotions, Alternatives, and Restoring. In the context of a Safe Harbor view of your child, these components correspond to your child's needs for maintaining boundaries (Naming his behavior), comforting (identifying his Emotions), equipping (establishing Alternatives for future situations), and delight (Restoring your relationship).

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